1. you should buy the decorative band aids
2. shoes are a nuisance
3. cookie dough should be tested for quality control
4. anti-gun laws cannot be enforced as long as you own a spatula
5. for the rest of your life if you see something different, weird or interesting you’ll want to tell your kids (ie, a large yellow duck sitting in the river that runs through Osaka, Japan)
6. a child loves a plastic toy from the dollar store as much as a fancy one from a catalog and they tire of either just as quickly. note: dollar-store toys are easier to get rid of.
7. crayons, markers, colored pencils, scissors, glue, paper and Play Doh should be as accessible as your silverware
8. it’s just furniture
9. don’t buy Popsicles if you don’t like sticky sticks all over the house and yard
10. it is easier to get a small stuffed frog into the living room light fixture than out of it
11. there’s no such thing as too much syrup
12. toddler’s can move faster than mom’s can snap (think onsies)
13. kids don’t go on picnics to eat food, so don’t fuss
14. sing in the car
15. the best way to have happy kids is to always give them two choices that you’re ok with
16. skid marks are standard with boys (and girls too!) — just use bleach and don’t fret
17. clean windows and mirrors attract small hands
18. kids will talk, bargain or even sometimes work for ice cream
19. never take personally the cleanliness of a teenager’s room
20. you can’t pick your child’s favorite blanket so don’t even try
21. eating off the floor won’t kill you
22. never say, “When I have kids I’ll never … ” unless you like crow
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