Random stuff bout Me, Chad, Shelby or anything else I feel like talking about

Saturday, August 31, 2013

You All Can Just Go Suck It!

I am just tired.

I am exhausted of feeling like everyone is just walking all over me.

I am tired of always trying to help others out, but when I need help no one is available.

I am tired of being told that chores take precedence to meeting me for coffee, or that  you have to wait and see what may come up for a certain day before you commit to me.

And yes I know, people are busy. Um hello...so am I!

And yes I know, things could be worse. I realize that and remind myself of that every day.

I am not perfect. I don't claim to be. In fact I am far from it. I struggle every day with how I feel, should feel, or shouldn't feel. I try not to let the little things get to me.

But you know, there comes a time where you just want to go "You all can just go suck it!"

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Size 12 is not Fat!

So I was driving to Shelby's ortho appointment this afternoon and drove by a plus size store. No big deal right? People come in all shapes and sizes and having a variety of places to shop from is great. However...I did a bit of a double take when I saw the sign that said "Sizes from 12 + and up".

What the !?!?! Since when was a size 12 a plus size? And honestly, why must we refer to sizes as "plus" sizes? If we do that then I think small sizes should be referred to as "negative" sizes.

I guess what bugs me is that in our minds (or at least mine) plus=large and I don't feel large. Oh I know I could afford to lose some (okay maybe more than some!) weight but I don't feel large. Maybe I just luck out and my "plus" areas can easily be concealed under tummy tucking jeans, but I look in the mirror and I don't think I look all that bad. Oh sure....there is a little extra of me to love but that just makes me cuddly and approachable right?

What I love is that my daughter goes "Mommy you aren't fat. That is just left over from having me" Oh I have trained my daughter well! It's my badge of honor, my war wound for being a mommy and having had the privilege of providing life to such a beautiful little girl.

You know...size 12 is just a womanly size! It just means I am curvy and curvy is sexy right? Here is to all the sexy and beautiful size 12 + and beyond!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Depression is...depressing

There is feeling down, being sad, maybe just feeling tired and run down and just lack energy to...well care. Yes these are just normal emotions that all people deal with from time to time.

Then there is depression - where quite often you cannot pinpoint why you are sad, and sad really can't even begin to describe how you feel. Depression is where you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, where you just want to curl up in to the fetal position,  go far, far away and just not deal with anything.You feel worthless, that you are not good at anything, and that you really aren't important to anyone.

For people that have not dealt with severe depression they cannot fully understand. I guess they just expect you to cheer up, or buck up and move on. Some may think it's just a case of self pity. It's not that simple, believe me, I know.

You see, I suffer from depression. Several years ago I just felt very depressed, more so than normal. I mean I am after all a female and we stress, over analyze, take things personally, all of which can make life a bit depressing. But this was beyond that. No matter what my family tried, said or did helped. Chad, who can usually make me laugh, couldn't. The worst part is that you cannot put your finger on exactly why you feel the way you do. I remember Chad asking me "What has got you down?" I didn't know and that, well, just depressed me more. It's a vicious cycle.

Finally he had enough, and since medical options were cheaper than a divorce (plus I like to believe he loves me to much to leave me!), he told me to go to the doctor. What a difference that made! The doc totally understood, having had suffered it himself and dealing with family who had as well. He made me feel like I was perfectly normal, and it was okay that I was seeking his help.

My drug of choice is Zoloft. I like to call them my "happy pills". Some days, when I may be a bit more hostile then normal, Chad will go "Have you had your happy pills today?"

It's a silent disease. Consider what people you know may be dealing with, even if you have never had to deal with it. The last thing we really need to hear is "Well I don't get it. I have never been depressed." or "You have nothing to be depressed about". Believe me, I know that so imagine my frustration when I am depressed anyway!

I saw this on Facebook the other day and it just speaks volumes.

Thank you to those that have reached out to me, sent me mail to cheer me up, and prayed for me!